Discipline

I tried writing on someone else’s schedule with a weekly writing group and didn’t like it one bit. It felt restrictive and much like a chore.

If discipline is hunkering down each week for a group writing session and sticking to that schedule, it seems I don’t have it.
If it’s sitting down to journal for fifteen minutes in the morning some days, sometimes in the evening, sometimes both, then sometimes not for days, sometimes spending a Wednesday afternoon working on and finishing a piece and then taking three months to work on the next one, but always, always working on something, then I’ve got this discipline thing down.

Discipline as a noun is ‘control gained by enforcing obedience or order/orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior/self-control (Merriam-Webster).
The second definition is ‘punishment’, third ‘training that corrects, molds, or perfects….’— I don’t want any of this. None of these sound even remotely conducive to creativity.

Anyone else prefer their own chaotic (writing) habits instead of ‘disciplined’ ones?
I’ve been going around saying, thinking, believing I have the discipline to write. But I don’t think I want it. The boxing and bottling up of a creative habit, pinned to a calendar date. No, I prefer the disciplined undoing of the discipline itself.